Sage Advice

 Marty Erman

Introduction:

An invitation to share a few words at the temple upon arriving at the 70 year old “sage stage” of my life, gave me an opportunity to reflect on principles that have guided my life. Many of these qualities have been long-standing while others have evolved over time.

 

P.S. - I thought don’t you have to be at least 120 years old to do this?

What has been my vision of who I would hope to be?

·      Strive to be a MENSCH  In part, this means having integrity and honor in what you do, having your actions directed by kindness, and always trying to do what you believe is right.

·      BE REAL, which means be an authentic person, consistent in who you are and what you do.  “Being real” enables others to know who you are. You can be depended upon because “what you see, is what you get.”

 

What are the guiding principles that have helped me to follow this path?

My WORD is very important to me

·      When true to your word, it builds trust with others and establishes your integrity and enhances your reputation.

·      Related to this, being true to your word leads to an expectation that you will be accountable for your deeds and actions

 

When I think of values (they’re what you feel in your gut and heart) that have guided my actions I have found that HONESTY has been my “North Star;” the beacon which has guided me.

·      The easiest and fastest way of earning trust is to be honest in what you say and how you act with people. Others feel they are able to count on you.

·      If you act honestly, you will usually feel at ease with yourself, because you are living your true self

·      If you aren’t a consistently truthful individual, you will always have to keep in mind the Yiddish phrase, “A ligner darf habn a gutn zikorn” (which means, “A liar should have a good memory”)

 

Another strong quality that has served me well is that of trying to be EMPATHIC

·      Be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes

·      Understand the perspective of others, even if you don’t agree with it. Your opinions should not be facts; they do not have to be etched in stone.  

 

Always try to GIVE BACK!

·      Be involved in activities that are of service to others. It’s been the hallmark of my career choice in being a clinical psychologist for 40+ years. Since retiring, I’ve been lucky enough to continue to continue this credo through my opportunity at the temple to lead Shiva Minyan services.

·      Choose involvement that you find fulfilling and meaningful. For instance, I always liked to garden, but I decided to enhance my learning and involvement through continuing education and putting in hours to become a Master Gardener in Union County

·      Treasure activities over things…. The feelings and thoughts about that which you experience will always remain in one form or another.

 

Have a SENSE OF HUMOR

·      Keep others laughing.

·      Be willing to poke fun at yourself.

·      You can’t take everything too seriously; especially sports. As a Mets fan, I have learned this over and over! I have just had to apologize to my children for the teams I have saddled them with!

 

Lastly, STRIVE FOR GROWTH throughout life.

·      My retirement three years ago changed what I do but I also found it led to some changes as to who I am. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE to add to the definition of who you are….. and that’s what I’ll work on until I’m 120!

 Growing up in a Reform congregation in Kansas City in the 1960s, my Jewish education was not as extensive as many of yours. I never became fluent in Hebrew, and I know less about rituals and holidays than I wish I did. But there is one Hebrew word that has stayed with me my entire life: Hineni — “Here I am.” 

Every week in religious school, when attendance was called, we answered “Hineni.” At the time, it seemed simple. But over the years, I’ve come to see Hineni as one of the most powerful lessons of my life. 

When a family member or friend is going through a difficult time, we may not have the answers or be able to solve the problem. But by showing up, by saying Hineni — “Here I am” — we provide comfort and strength. Judaism teaches us that one of the greatest mitzvot is to visit the sick, provide a meal or a ride to the doctor - to say hinenei. We may not know the perfect words at a shiva call, but our presence alone says Hineni. 

We also say Hineni when we volunteer in our communities or our congregations. The work isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes it’s tedious, sometimes frustrating and, in my case, very difficult. But the act of stepping forward — saying, “Here I am, how can I help?” — is what makes our congregations and our communities strong. 

On Rosh Hashanah, we read the story of the binding of Isaac. Three times, Abraham is called upon — by God, by Isaac, and by an angel. And three times, he answers Hineni. Not with pride or ego, but with humility and readiness: Here I am. 

Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” I think it’s not just about showing up. It’s about showing up with humility, compassion, empathy and a willingness to help. 

So my advice is simple: When you are needed, when your presence matters, when you can make a difference — say Hineni. Here I am. 

John Levy